Wasuranai Kara

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17

Gren woke up screaming. The black walls of the room he was locked in were closing in on him. No words came to mind. All he could hear was that fucking music…Space Lion played in his head…over and over…

He covered his ears with his hands, trying to shut it out. It got louder. But over the music…came Vicious’s laughter.

"Vicious!"

"Not me, Gren. YOU. YOU did this. It’s your fault…you can’t blame me now."

"But you betrayed me!"

"Did I, Gren? Did I?"

"Bastard!"

Gren punched the wall. He heard a disconnected "crack-k-k-k!!" and pain raced through his hand. He hit the wall again, ignoring his shattered finger. Blood ran down his arm. He stared at it. He was screaming again.

The silence maddened him. He couldn’t scream anymore. He tried. Even the music had stopped now. The tears didn’t come until later. They might never have come at all, but he remembered…the night with Vicious………

It was summer…or what might have been summer somewhere else. It was so damned hot. The unit had been waiting for almost a month for new orders. The number of men still alive had been greatly reduced. The number was down to only two men per tent. In the beginning, there had been as many as five.

Gren and Vicious shared a tent. Vicious had been standing at the tent flap, staring out at the desert wasteland for nearly an hour now. Gren was getting bothered.

"Vicious? Whatcha looking at? Surely nothing’s going on out there…"

"I’m watching death approach us."

"What?" Gren sat up, looking at Vicious with wide eyes. He was so young…not much more than a child, really. Vicious turned and glared at Gren.

"Death smiles at us all. Will you smile when it comes for you? Or will you turn tail and run?" By the time he finished the sentence, Vicious was looking out the tent flap again. It was as if he hadn't moved at all. "I’m not afraid to die!" Gren said, standing upright.

"Ah, but you are. I see it inside of you."

"What are you talking about?"

Vicious walked over to him. He was much taller than Gren. Even if he hadn’t been, Vicious’s mere presence seemed to command attention. It also seemed to command fear.

"Vi…Vicious?" Gren was less sure of himself. The look on Vicious's face had bothered him. It was so cold…

"So much about yourself that you do not know, boy. But I see you. You can’t hide from me."

"What?" Gren was completely baffled. Vicious hadn’t spoken to him hardly at all since the war began. The only time Vicious had said anything was when he gave Gren the music box. Now, Vicious was standing in front of him, close enough to touch. If only he had the guts to reach up and touch him...

As it turned out, he didn’t have to move at all. Vicious put one hand on Gren’s shoulder. The other hand he used to push Gren’s hair out of his eyes. "Be quiet."

Gren didn’t want Vicious to go back to not speaking to him. He merely smiled uncertainly.

Vicious pushed Gren down onto the sleeping bag he had been laying on.

"I know how you look at me. I’m not blind." He was above Gren, his weight pressing against the smaller man. Gren was more afraid of him now than he had been since they met. Not that that was saying much.

"You think I don’t notice you staring at me with those sapphires that you call eyes. You think I don’t know that look…"

"Vicious, I don’t know what you’re---"

Vicious cut him off by smacking him across the face. "I told you once to be quiet, boy…don't make me hurt you."

Gren didn’t make a sound. Vicious’s hand moved to unzip his jacket. Gren watched, wide eyed.

"Do you want this?" Vicious asked. Gren hesitated, then nodded slowly. "I thought so…"

Gren found his voice again, and screamed until he thought his vocal cords would break. He forgot everything except the way Vicious’s kiss had felt…the way his hands had seemed to know exactly what to do…the way he had felt when they were fucking, in that tent…the way he had heard his heart shatter into a million pieces when he found out that Vicious had testified against him.

The tears came after the screaming…but they didn’t stop. Even after Gren passed out from exhaustion and blood loss, they didn’t stop. Gren felt the world close in around him. The music came back, but he couldn’t scream this time. He couldn’t drown it out. He was sure there was no escaping it.